Okay, it's FOR REAL this time

So what has been on Jen's mind lately? Appropriately enough, Harrison. Well, at least his maturation and how it impacts me. He's turning one this week and it's hard to believe that this is my life. I am a mother to a little boy. We hang out all the time and only rarely do we get sick of one another.

When we're having a hard day, there are a couple different things that we can do together and pretty much always have success. Right around the nine month mark, he suddenly loved reading. I've mentioned his serious face before, and he pulls it out in full force for reading time. He quickly figured out how to turn the pages (we're partial to the board-book genre), listens, and intently contemplates each page and then turns when he is ready. It amazes me that he has favorites. In our book about gratitude (gotta keep him humble), he consistantly pauses for at least twice the length of time on the page about being thankful for a trip to the zoo. What's going on in that head?

The other thing that (knock on wood) has never failed to perk us up when we're grumpy is going on a walk. The kid loves his stroller. Several times a week we go visit the horses at the end of our street. Sometimes we bring them an apple or a carrot. Mostly we come empty handed just to look. Earlier this week we went and it was one of those gorgeous fall days. There are only a handful of non-winter days that can be described with the modifier "crisp" and it was one of them. Harrison seemed to sense the magic of the season. A little butterfly honestly fluttered in front of him, teasing him for at least half a minute. When we got to the horses, they were in the far pasture so we just stood on the bridge over the tiny creek for a few minutes and inhaled the day. The breeze was perfect and kept enticing leaves off the trees. When I picked one up and gave it to H for closer inspection, his little serious mask slid off for a minute and I could tell he likes fall as much as his mommy does.

***I started to worry as I was typing and I naturally gravitated back to the subject of Harrison. What if I become only this? What if this is all I can talk about? But no, I'm cool with this for now. I think that society pushes that idea on us--I better be careful so that I don't let motherhood take my identity. I don't want to be JUST A MOM. Please. I put aside parts of my old self so that he could come into this family. Of course he's a huge part of my thoughts; what kind of mother would I be if he wasn't? But I haven't lost anything. I've just gained a different perspective. And a squishier tummy.